Mike Pence–Future Adoption Czar?

October 5, 2016

Moderator: “Thank you for joining us here tonight, Governor Pence. I have to ask you about why you’re seeking the Vice Presidency of the United States, and qualifications you believe you possess that uniquely qualify you for this office.”

Gov. Pence: “I’m glad you asked that, young lady. Under my strong Christian guidance, my home state of Indiana has recently become the largest adoption agency in the country. We are lifting newborns out of poverty every day by taking the babies of poor, often unmarried women and handing those babies over to wealthy, married, white couples who, tragically, can’t have cute little white babies of their own. These newborns will grow up as respectable members of the upper tax brackets, increasing the demographic of potential white Republican voters by many percentage points.”

Moderator: “What about those unmarried women and girls who don’t wish to give up their babies?”

Gov.Pence: “Are you kidding? By the time we finish closing women’s health centers, deny reproductive rights, cut medical benefits, child care, affordable housing, welfare, lower the minimum wage, and then shame them with our so-called ‘pregnancy counseling’ they’ll be begging us to take those kids.”

Moderator: “How does this influence your run for the Vice Presidency, Governor Pence?”

Gov. Pence: “If Donald Trump and I are elected, I will push my adoption crusade all over the country. We will stuff the Supreme Court with right wing, pro-life, anti-woman zealots so we can finally get rid of Roe vs. Wade. We’ll punish any woman who tries to get an abortion, and create a new position in the cabinet, Adoption Czar For Life, which I will graciously accept in addition to the Vice Presidency.  Of course, we’ll make sure that all adoptions are privatized and become a major revenue stream for our donors, you know, like our prison system.”

Moderator: “Isn’t that social engineering?”

Gov. Pence: “Nonsense! It’s protecting the rights of the most vulnerable people there are, those who haven’t even been born yet.”

Moderator: “But what about the rights of American women, Governor?”

Gov. Pence: “We’re talking about sinners here, harlots who have sex out of wedlock, not good Christian  women. I say screw ’em, and God Bless America!”

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